Wireless
by Silver Sniper
Summary: Xemnas despises the lack of communication in the Organization, so he issues them each a cell phone to keep in touch with each other that comes fully equipt with standard text messaging needs, Xemnas' stalker function, and more.
1. Wireless

Kingdom Hearts © Square-Enix

* * *

Wireless

* * *

If there were one thing that Xemnas could hate, it would be a lack of communication. To him, if there were one vital element in making any plan, scheme, or plot to take over whatever was to be taken over work, it would be communication. A lack of it, as he had so keenly observed on many previously accounts, led to chaos. While chaos was all good and whatnot to wrap up and hand off to the enemy, when you're the one opening the box of confusion, it was another matter by itself. There were countless cases of miscommunications between the members with each other, and the members and himself. While he could always rely on a certain few, too many cases of Larxene telling Axel telling Demyx telling Roxas to tell him have occurred, and with each passing on, the message became foggier and more incomprehensible, much like a game of telephone. Xemnas was in no mind to play telephone. Instead, he got them all cell phones.

You could say that there were mixed emotions surrounding the people in the room when Xemnas had tossed them their own wireless companion. Many like Saïx and Vexen just took the box and calmly exited without leaking a word or uttering a sound. Simplicity was their way of handling it. Others like Demyx and Axel vigorously shook the box and examined it from side to side like little children wondering what surprises were in stored for them in their birthday gift. Even some like Roxas just stared at it blankly before dropping it to the ground and sent it skittering towards the wall with a half-hearted kick before deciding it was better if he just held onto it with his hands. (Actually, he was the only one who did that.) Upon seeing the later two reactions from the group, Xemnas saw miscommunication happening before his very eyes. Xemnas despised miscommunication.

"Have you people never seen a cell phone?" his commanding voice boomed above the clamor emitting from the remaining members. Pure silence was his what he got for an answer, and it was an answer he disapproved of. While a part of him in his mind would've liked to call them all imbeciles registering at the lowest IQ score in that category, Xemnas remained level headed as he addressed the remaining members once again: "You will use these to communicate with each other. I will have no more of misunderstandings or transferring relays of messages, so keep these on you at all times, is that understood?"

The members of Organization XIII gave their shouts of the affirmative before dispersing and filing out of the room. Once the last black cloak fluttered out of the threshold, Xemnas allowed himself a triumphant chuckle. Now with this new additive to his already solid Organization, Xemnas was sure that communication would no longer be an issue. After all, how hard could it be to use such a simple contraption with a couple of modifications he made to them? Flipping open his own phone, Xemnas indulged himself in watching the tiny specks of colored orbs wander around on his miniature map. Not only was communication no longer a problem, he could also easily track them using this handy stalker function he programmed into it. Xemnas was mighty proud of his own ingenious plan.

* * *

As soon as Roxas had exited the room, he had taken only but three measly steps when he had literally been abducted by a frightening ghost-like hand and then shoved into warp hole of darkness without a single word towards his consent. Roxas was feeling rather violated because not only had Mystery Hand caught him off guard, he know found himself in a place where he really wouldn't have wanted to be dwelling in. It was dark, it was cold, and it had Vexen flanked by Lexaeus and Zexion as its dreadful centerpiece. Roxas had a nagging inkling that he was about to get used.

"Your keyblade," Vexen pronounced as he extended a hand towards Roxas. The younger boy's eyes narrowed as he began back up, hands blinding searching for an exit out of this chilly place.

"What do you want?" Roxas asked. Was it him, or was the temperature in this room dropping by the second? Roxas was glad he had worn a sweater under his cloak today.

"Unlock it," Vexen demanded as he pulled out his cell phone and dangled it in front of Roxas' face. Roxas' swatted it away on a reflex, preferring things not so close to his face and making his eyes go berserk. Zexion managed to catch it before it met its doom kissing the cold, hard floor.

"Unlock what?" Roxas said defensively as he scrambled to his legs and shot Vexen a hard glare. Something about him and his mindless and dangerous experiments really made him feel weary around the man, especially now since he was backed by two other members equally as fearful as he was.

"Our superior has tempered with these," Zexion said quietly. "He's added things that were not originally there. We need your keyblade to unlock them."

Roxas continued his slow retreated until he hit a wall that seemed to be made of racks upon racks of test tubes and beakers and flasks and all multitudes of various lab equipments all neatly arranged without a speck of grime on any of the glassware. Too bad for Vexen because now it had Roxas all over it. The scientist said nothing as his two colleagues and himself continued to advance on the now-starting-to-panic boy. While Roxas knew they had no intention to do any sort of physical damage to him, but the sight of the three looming over him like all your deeds loomed over you in final judgment is a little intimidating.

"Why should I?" Roxas asked cautiously. Vexen broke into a sick grin at this comment, and Roxas felt a shiver shoot down his spine, his body growing rigid and the gears in his mind squeak in complaint.

"No doubt you're clueless about these things," Vexen scoffed. "Unlock the things our superior had tempered with and we'll show you how it works."

"What does it do… exactly?" Roxas asked. Truth to be told, he, like many others in the Organization, were absolutely clueless on what these things really were. Judging by his reaction to what he did to the box when he first received it, Vexen was sure Roxas was probably the most clueless of the bunch. Roxas, on the other hand, thought that he had a pretty good idea what it was: a slab of useless metal as depicted on the box. However, seeing that their superior would be so eager on this idea as to call all of them together, it should be able _something_. Roxas hoped that whatever it was, it doubled as a can opener because it had been a pain opening tin can after tin can with his keyblade. Something sharp to poke Axel's bottom would be a nice addition as well for when the guy really got obnoxious.

"It's used for communication," Vexen said as he opened the model to let Roxas' eyes feast upon all its glorious LCD magnificence. Somehow, Roxas really liked how it made his eyes tingle like crazy and his brain go into slow mode from the light. It was so bright… so bright and _shiny_. Roxas decided that shiny was eye-catching.

"Okay," he said, rather dazed. Might as well get this over with as sooner or later Vexen and the other two would get their way with him. No use in trying to stop them with futile efforts, and if they held up their end of the bargain, Roxas knew that he would've gained something even better than a can opener, and that was a replacement to his broken lamp.

* * *

After a page and a half of solid text and a diagram of how to charge the phone, Axel had ripped the instruction manual into two clean halves before incarnating them into ashes and cinders and decided to go by his intuition. Once satisfied by his handiwork, Axel had done the smart thing of connecting plug to outlet and adapter to phone before sinking into his couch and waiting for it to charge. Axel was not an impatient man mind you, and after thirty seconds of dull boring silence with nothing explosive or big seeming to be on the way, Axel decided to charge the thing the faster, more efficient, and a lot more environmentally friendly way. (Not that he really cared much for the environment like we all should. As long as it was quick and efficient.)

After getting up and ripping off the wire from his phone, Axel dropped it safely in a snug pocket before stepping out through his room and zipping towards Larxene's without a single care for whether or not the girl wanted his company or not. If she did, (which Axel highly doubted) she got her wish because here he was banging on her door and demanding her presence. If not, she would have to change her opinion to option one.

"Hey, mind doing me a little something?" Axel asked smoothly.

"No," Larxene promptly answered from the other side of the door. Axel found himself still staring at a block of wood. Wood was flammable. Axel wanted entry. It wasn't a hard decision for Axel to burn himself a hole and step through it into Larxene's room without much hindrance. The thunder girl was quick to catch onto things though, and she had flashed out of the room in a blink of the eye as soon as Axel was in, but not before sending down an impulse of electrical current through the man. Axel cringed but shook it off. He briefly considered going after the girl, but he knew that when Larxene said no, she meant it in a "Ask me again and you'll get the same answer. Ask me a third time and there won't be a fourth." kind of way. Axel wasn't fazed the least by her threats, (she could never lay a finger on him anyhow) but it would be very annoying having her shock you every time you passed each other in the halls. Besides, Axel had just hit the gold.

"Talk about careless," he said to himself as he spied a silver phone on Larxene's bureau. "Shouldn't leave things like these unattended." He assumed that the little battery thing must mean that it had been fully charge, and without even thinking of the possible consequences that came with his action, Axel quickly dropped Larxene's phone into his other snug pocket while replacing it with his own. Now he had a fully charged phone without having to wait the annoying three hours. What could possibly go wrong?

* * *

"Hey, you know how this works? I only got it to light up so far." Demyx was another clueless soul when it came to complications of modern technology. He had wanted to consult Axel on the matter, but was disappointed to find him not in his room. He didn't want to bother any of the other higher-ups, and with Roxas seemingly never made it back to his room, Larxene in dire need of a new door, Luxord too caught up in his mindless card games to care, that only left Demyx with one horrible solution, and that was to ask Marluxia. Well, maybe it wasn't as bad as he had to put it. If you can get over the fact that he had a sort of flower fetish and that his hairstyle was unpractical and his choice of color was an eyesore, he was a pretty smart guy. Unfortunately for Demyx, Marluxia was just as lost as he was, but on a matter that differed from his a bit.

"If I knew, would I be sitting here like a fool trying to defeat this ridiculous objective?" Marluxia snapped as he went back to button meshing the keypad, watching as random screens popped up at high speeds with the occasional ring and jingle intertwined. Demyx watched wordlessly, completely oblivious to what Marluxia was trying to accomplish. By the looks of it, it seemed that he was trying to get his thumbs to go faster than the cell phone could process his random orders.

"Well do you know what it _does_?" Demyx asked. Block one was always a good place to start because frankly, he had no idea what this was suppose to be other than it was called a 'cell phone' as Xemnas kindly pointed out.

"It's used to hold conversations without the person you're talking to without actually being within earshot of each other," Marluxia exclaimed as his finger mashing accelerated by another dozen miles or so. Demyx was getting a bit edgy with Marluxia's intent glare on that device. Scary.

"Oh… how do you do that?" Demyx questioned.

"You use the keypad to type in a number then you use the green button to send a signal to the satellite superior set up and it gets sent to whomever the number belongs with and then you talk and they answer and when you don't want to talk you press the red button and it ends the conversation, got that?" Marluxia muttered at speeds that matched his frightful attack on his phone, not taking his eyes off of the screen for even a remote second. Demyx only managed to catch 'green', 'talk', and 'red'. It didn't really help at all.

"I thought you said you didn't know how it works," Demyx said, trying to get a little more attention from Marluxia.

"I just figured it out," Marluxia grumbled. "Now leave me in peace while I grow my digital flower, you fool."

Demyx would've felt hurt. Not only had someone blatantly insulted him, that someone was of a lower rank than he was, had pink-layered hair, and liked flowers. It made Demyx feel a lot more degraded than he was actually suppose to feel. (His normal composure was supposed to be thirty percent unappreciated, fifteen percent degraded, and fifty-five percent deprived of screen time.) Marluxia looked like he could really care less, still caught up in what Demyx now deciphered as a game. A twitch of the eyebrow and Marluxia's fingers suddenly hitting halt told him that he had lost.

"I said leave me in peace!" Marluxia snapped, his eyes glaring hard at him. Demyx decided it was about time to retreat.

* * *

"What next?"

"Once the screen reads 'charge complete', carefully detach the adapter from your phone."

"Got it."

"To activate your phone, please call this number- 666-666-6666."

"666-666-666… what was that last number?"

"It was 6."

"Got it."

Xaldin and Xigbar were perhaps the only two who actually went with the instruction manual instead of relying on instinct and calling upon others for help. It didn't take the two very long with their combined efforts to decode what the thing was supposed to be used for and got it working properly as it should. To them, it was the obvious thing to do, and they did what the obvious told them to and they were rewarded with a well-operated cell phone.

"So, what's your number?" Xigbar asked offhandedly as he skimmed the section about warranty and hazards. Only a one-week warranty? That was cheap.

"Xal-din-6666," Xaldin replied as if that was the most evident answer. Xigbar took a moment to punch it into his phonebook."

"Well mine is Xig-bar-6666," Xigbar offered. "Guess that means everyone else's number is just their name with 6's after it."

"Probably."

* * *

Luxord was delirious over his new companion. He had flipped opened a random page in the inch-thick instruction manual and landed on the section providing him easy access to blackjack and other casino games. Without even consulting anything else other than those two pages, Luxord had absorbed himself into playing endless amounts of games on his phone without break much like Marluxia, only he wasn't taking care of a flower, he was wagering digital munny against a mindless system.

"Hmm… this is a tough decision indeed," Luxord said solemnly to himself as he tried to decide whether or not he should let the digital dealer hit him. What to do in such a life or death situation? Hmm… He hadn't expected Saïx to be listening in on his conversation.

"I need your number," he said bluntly, getting straight to the point. Luxord pretended he didn't hear and hoped the other would go away. Saïx pretended that Luxord didn't pretend not to hear him and waltzed in without his permission. "I need your number," he said again in deadpan.

"Can't you see I'm busy now?" Luxord asked as he decided to have the dealer hit him with another card. It was an eight. Damn. Must be because Saïx was bad luck.

"I need your number," Saïx repeated yet again, his voice seeming a bit sharper and more aggravated now. Luxord again pretended he didn't hear. Saïx again pretended that he didn't think about Luxord pretending that he didn't hear him. "I said, I-"

"I'm in the middle of something," Luxord said calmly as he switched over to a good old game of Internet poker. Now all he had to do was think of a suitable screen name. He decided on the regular 'IOWNU' and left it as that.

"Your number," Saïx prodded once again.

"I don't know it," Luxord answered truthfully as he got ready to conquer his opponents 'MooseBowl-2000', 'Lovenal', and a 'Blue Toothbrush'. They made his alias seemed so much more intelligent and well thought out. Luxord took a moment to compliment himself on that achievement.

"It's on your home screen," Saïx said. "Just quite that ridiculous game and tell me."

"But I'm playing poker," Luxord said. "Go find someone else."

Saïx gave him a reproachful look before giving up on trying to squeeze his number out of him. Instead, he settled for a quick tap of the 'quit' button on Luxord's phone, which brought him to the home screen, quickly memorized the digits that was Luxord's number, and then gracefully conjured a black warp hole before stepping through. Luxord was infuriated. He had just been made to forfeit! And he _never_ forfeited!

* * *

It was only day one of his new plan and Xemnas was already catching some problems. First off, there was the matter of Roxas being in the same room as Vexen, Lexaeus, and Zexion, and then shortly after that, their orbs were wiped off of his map, and when he tried to access them, it displayed an annoying: Request blocked. That was only a small glitch he had decided, and he would get that ironed out in time. However, there was also the issue of Axel's orb loitering around in Larxene's room for an insane amount of time while Larxene was roaming the halls seemingly not caring as well as Demyx's phone not being activated. Also, Marluxia's key frequency displayed an impossible twenty-five keys per second, and Xemnas had a feeling that it wasn't text messaging the man was up to. All in all, the first day had hit its bump, but Xemnas was sure things were about to get better tomorrow. After all, his plans were always good ones, right? 


	2. Test Runs

* * *

Test Runs

* * *

Xemnas had spent a good thirty-seven minutes the next day tinkering with the satellite and his own phone before he finally got the colored dots of Vexen, Zexion, Lexaeus, and Roxas to appear again. He had decided that he shouldn't bring this to their attention because no doubt they'd try other ways to disappear from his tracker. They didn't like being watched, but unfortunately for them, Xemnas liked watching. With so many bodies wandering around unattended, there was bound to be the unplanned explosion or the not yet foreseen accident, and Xemnas wanted to be on the spot when it happened. Though he had yet to set up security cameras around the place, (only a matter of time) Xemnas was still relieved to have his stalker function and the previously unmentioned call log installed. Chaos might ensue, but at least he'd have control over it.

He thought that much until he heard an annoying, but not completely unanticipated "You are currently being stalked by: Vex-en6-6666, Lex-aeu-s666, and Zex-ion-6666." coming from his phone. Those fools. He'd get back at them.

* * *

You are currently being stalked by: Xem-nas-6666."

The eerie digital voice quaked the previously silent room containing the Organization's IV, V, VI. The monotonous tone emitting from their tiny cell phones came as an expected company, though company was a nicer way of putting things. They knew it was going to happen sooner or later, because if Xemnas was that dull as to not notice that their presences had completely disappeared from his tracker, they would be the ones running the charade known as Organization XIII, not Xemnas

"We're on superior's radar again," Zexion said calmly as he casually set down his novel on the table and turned his eyes towards the direction of thoughtful Vexen. The older man was pacing restlessly around, each footfall producing an echoing 'thump' across the room. Lexaeus remained silent as he watched Vexen walk around in figure eights.

"So it would seem," Vexen said. At first sight, it seemed his expression would have marked him as irked, but in a flash there was that chilling smirk that sent shivers racing across. "But he's on our radar too."

"Yes indeed," Lexaeus agreed.

The three then indulged themselves in listening in on other's calls with their call log function and watching who's with who on their stalker function and silently congratulated themselves for breaking through Superior's stealth shield that he had put up around his own cell phone complex.

* * *

You are currently being stalked by: Rox-as6-6666."

Larxene had been drinking her daily intake of calcium and vitamin D when a sudden voice coming from her cell phone sent the orangey liquid on a detour up her esophagus. Larxene quickly snatched a napkin and dabbed at the puddles of orange juice to conceal her minor mishap before plunging her hand into her pocket to retrieve her cell phone. Being uncaring as she was, she hadn't taken the previous moment to note her cell phone number, so for all she knew, this could be someone else's property. She had thought that way because there was no way Roxas would want to stalk her. She had nothing to give him save snide remarks and the occasional kick in the behind when he had misbehaved, so honestly, there was no reason at all.

Then a new question dawned on our favorite (and only) savage nymph: how was Roxas able to track her.

* * *

"There, there, my sweet Sakura. Did I not say I shan't let those pesky bugs destroy your beautiful blossoms?"

Marluxia was still obsessed as ever over his digital plant, which had sprung from a seedling to a full-grown cherry blossom tree in less than twenty-four hours. He had praised his green thumb for the healthy growth, even though he knew that it probably didn't apply to pixel images, but it was the thought and time that count. All in all, his sweet Sakura and he were getting along just fine, and Marluxia felt as though he had found a kindred spirit among lying and scheming murderers. True, he was a hypocrite in thinking of such things, but ignorance is pure bliss, and Marluxia had found pure bliss in his sweet Sakura.

Now if only Saïx didn't have to burst his tender moment.

"Marluxia, I need your number," Saïx demanded, still maintaining his deadpan composure. Marluxia's eyes wavered from his screen for a moment to shoot Saïx a dirty look before returning to his sweet Sakura, who seemed to be caught in the middle of a raging wild fire scenario that popped out of nowhere. Talk about high maintenance.

"My sweet Sakura!" Marluxia cried. Desperate as he may try, his attempts to save his precious pixels were in vain, and before his very eyes his sweet cherry blossom tree disintegrated to char. A moment of lament was needed before Marluxia turned his wrath to Saïx. "…Murderer…"

Saïx failed to point out to Marluxia that he was just as much of a murderer as he was, but didn't have time as he found himself suddenly on his bottom in the hallway with a giant rip running down his chest. Saïx glowered. Marluxia was going to pay for that.

A giant and melodramatic wail came from within Marluxia's chamber. Followed by a: "You are currently being stalked by: Rox-as6-6666, Vex-en6-6666. Okay… Marluxia can pay later.

* * *

"You are currently being stalked by: Zex-ion-6666."

It was that stupid digital voice that has been driving Larxene to near insanity. First, after the Roxas stalker, there came a definite Vex-en6-6666 who rung out, followed by a Lex-aeu-s666, and now a certain Zex-ion-6666. It didn't make any sense! Why would they want to know what she was up to? The organization had already decided on the day of her recruit that sexism shall not be tolerated and that he privacy be her own, but now all of a sudden Larxene had not one, but _three_ stalkers on her digital tail. If the circumstances were different and a little more favorable, she might've been flattered, but at the moment, Larxene was far worse than flattered. She was infuriated. It felt weird being digitally stalked. While she might be able to somehow muster out some mercy on Roxas because he was Roxas, (and maybe Lexaeus too because she didn't have much history with him) she knew that that if she ever got her hands on the others, she would ensure that they got a good dosage of megawatts shot down their spine. Right now though, she was more into being frustrated.

"How are they doing that!" Larxene screamed in rage as she flipped open her phone and scrolled down to the 'stalked by' section. There shone Roxas', Vexen's, Lexaeus', and Zexion's numbers in a pulsing red. It seemed to be mocking at her, and Larxene wondered how it switched to red fonts when she specifically altered them to yellow when she had first gotten it.

Then realization sparked in her head. Hastily jabbing at the return button, Larxene's eyes darted to the number displayed on the home screen. If all the numbers followed the stupid sequence of their name and '6's after, then this wasn't her phone. This had to be…

* * *

"Axel, where are you?"

Roxas with his newly grasped knowledge towards the tiny device decided to give it a test run by calling his best friend to check up on his condition. Since he was one of the ones who lingered behind in the room yesterday, Roxas had assumed that he was yet another poor thing who had absolutely no idea towards modern technology. He had decided that since they were such good friends and all, the least Roxas could do was help him understand this simple, but immensely confusing device. Seeing how Axel actually managed to accept his call, it seemed his workload to be done had just shrunk smaller.

"Roxas, I could ask the same for you," Axel's voice called back across the line. "Didn't see much of you yesterday. What happened to you?"

"Sorry," Roxas answered feebly. How else was he to reply? 'Well, Axel, first of all, I got abducted by Vexen and his lackeys and then was force to do their bidding because I was swayed by the pretty LCD screen, and then after that they taught me how to use this slab of metal that is not a can opener, I went to bed.' That was quite a mouthful there by itself.

Turning the hallway, Roxas put his phone on speaker before fiddling around with the keypad thus bringing up his map of 'stalked people'. He took a quick scan of the map and was surprised to find Axel's dot in Larxene's room. That's odd. The two could hardly stand being in the dining room together save an even smaller enclosed space. Roxas hoped they weren't blasting each other's heads off, but it seemed unlikely since here he was having conversation with Axel.

"Roxas," the voice on the other end drawled out. "Are you there?"

"Yeah," Roxas answered. "So, uh, where are you?"

"Where else but in my room?"

"Oh, sure," Roxas said skeptically. Either Axel was lying (wouldn't be the first time and certainly not the last) or either Xemnas or Vexen made a glitch. Roxas opted for the first, but when he rounded another corner to Axel's room, his suspicions were put to rest as he saw his friend's door wide open and Axel lounging on the couch in a lazy manner with a cell phone stuck to his face.

"Roxas!" Axel greeted with a small wave while his other hand snapped shut his phone. "All right."

"Hey," Roxas returned, though a lot less enthusiastic, mind still wondering why his Axel dot showed that he was in Larxene's room.

"Talk about gloomy," Axel laughed. "Something bugging you?"

'Well, actually, yes there is, Axel. You see, since I wanted to keep tabs on you in case you decide to raid my room for more grape juice, I added you to my stalker list, but instead of being here like you are, it seems that you are actually in Larxene's room doing who knows what. Yes, that's really all that's been bugging me, Axel, that and the fact that I'm still a bit disappointed about opening pineapple cans with my colossal key, which I am still clueless as to why I possess it.' That's what Roxas _would've_ like to say, but again, it was a bad waste of oxygen and it made him seem like he was on the brink of insanity, so he decided on the simpler: "Not really." Axel wasn't easily convinced by this half-hearted answer.

"Come on, you can tell me, Roxas," Axel nagged as Roxas made himself comfortable leaning up against the doorframe. The blonde pondered for a moment on whether or not he should really choose to mention the aforementioned, but he never got to make the decision for then in all her wrath and glory blew in the thunderstorm of the century known as Larxene.

"You!" she screeched as sparks circled her body. Judging by the nobody her eyes were fixed on, Roxas could safely say that whatever was done to put Larxene in such a fit, it wasn't his fault. Now being hurt on her path of rampage might prove different results.

"Larxene dear, did I ever tell you how lovely you look as a human lightning rod?

* * *

"Xaldin, I need your number."

The ever-clueless Saïx dared to venture into Xaldin's lairs in hopes of completing his phonebook, still oblivious to how the numbers worked. He had gotten an annoying series of: 'You are currently being stalked by' a while back, but decided to just leave it as it is until he found out who these three mysterious people were. Right now though, it seemed that Xaldin was not present in his room. However, seeing as he had already broken down the door, the man decided that he should just take a little peek to make sure. No point in doing something and not following through, though in a case like this, the door was probably better left shut.

Upon entering Xaldin's sanctuary, Saïx was immediately assaulted by a whirlwind of lances that came seeking his death from every angle. Now in addition to the huge Marluxia rip from earlier, he had a hundred more of Xaldin's guard lances' scratches and tears, and unfortunately for him, this was the last set of his uniforms that still fitted him. Damn. Saïx's 'Get back at' list had just increased by one.

* * *

"You are currently being stalk-"

A quick push of the off button immediately silenced Xigbar's phone, which had been beeping constantly with aggravating 'you are currently being stalked by', messages since the morning. He always knew he was popular, but the thought of Vexen and the others noting his every move proved to be very annoying. There would be no more target practice with the endless shelves of books in the library if he would be found out.

"Xigbar, I need your number." Xigbar snapped his head towards the source of the voice and was a little disturbed to find Saïx by his doorway. It wasn't the actual nobody that disturbed him, it was his choice of attire that made his brows knit together. "Lend me a spare uniform too."

"You don't know _my_ number?" Xigbar asked. For a guy of his caliber, Xigbar thought that he'd be a tad more intelligent, but he guessed that's why Saïx was VII and he was II. It was odd though, because even Demyx had just called him to test out his 'cool new toy'. Xigbar always knew that Demyx was a deprived.

"No," Saïx answered curtly, getting rather impatient standing there looking like a moron.

"Well, I guess I could lend you one for a day," Xigbar sighed. Not even he wanted to see Saïx in such a humiliating form. "Though it'll cost you 1000 munny."

Saïx glared. Damn these heartless people, even if it meant damning himself. Saïx added a mental 'get back at' tally next to Xigbar's name.

* * *

Demyx was in a good mood.

"Hi, Zexion?"

"What is it, Demyx?"

"Can I sing you a song?"

A not so subtle click followed Demyx's comment, but the boy wasn't fazed the least as he clicked down to the next number on his list. He was so happy Superior had given them these little trinkets. Now he could get to know everybody even better than before! Truly delighted, the blonde was.

"Axel! Hello? Hello?"

"Hey, I'm doing something, so don't bother me. Got it memorized? Don't bother leaving a message either unless you're important like Superior or Roxas, and maybe Xigbar if you keep it short."

Demyx was confused, but his confusion quickly dissipated when he remembered what this function was: voice mail. Demyx was even more delighted, because he was about to drop off his first message! Oh, the joy! Demyx's mind whirled about possible things he could say.

"Axel! Hi! I figured out how this works, and-"

"I'm sorry, but the owner of this number has deemed you as 'unimportant'. Please hang up and try again."

Demyx stared aghast at his phone. The nerve of that flame-loving psycho… how could he? After all they've been through and this is the treatment he gets, and he did not just hear that Xigbar was semi-important as opposed to him who was not even mentioned! Determined as ever to set things straight, Demyx did as the digital voice commanded and hit the redial button.

"Hey, I'm doing something, so don't bother me. Got it memorized? Don't bother leaving a message either unless you're important like Superior or Roxas, and maybe Xigbar if you keep it short."

"Axel," Demyx began, "I need you to know that I am having some issues with you and your recording." Demyx paused for a moment to listen for the digital voice to tell him to hang up and try again, but to his pleasure, none came. "Anyhow, you know you're insulting the rest of us by not mentioning our importance, especially me because we're such good friends, and-"

"Your message is too long and has been cut off. Please hang up and try again."

Demyx glared at his phone with spite. Axel was definitely going to hear complaint later. Demyx had rose to initiated said complaint, but a sudden ringing of his phone had sent him off his present track and diving for his phone. Could this be someone actually calling him?

"You are currently being stalked by: Vex-en6-6666, Lex-aue-s666, Zex-ion-6666, and Axe-l66-6666."

Demyx was now truly confused. First off, he never knew there was a stalker function, (if he did, he'd be happily watching his colleague's every move on his screen) and second, now the guy who had just denied his beautiful voice twice was suddenly very keen on keeping track of his movements. Demyx wasn't sure what was really going on, but he was sure Axel would be able to provide some needed answers.

* * *

"Larxene, calm down!" Axel sidestepped gracefully to avoid being electrocuted by the one hundred and eight megawatts of sizzling Larxene rage. "Please?"

His miserable plea was answered with a newly established hole in his wall, which Axel wasn't very fond of as he now had a grand view of a swarm of pitiful shadows in all their squiggly antenna glory. Not a pleasant wall accessory, that was for sure, but this really wasn't the time for musing over such trivial things.

"Axel, you should just give her back her phone," Roxas mentioned helpfully as he swatted away one of Larxene's stray bolts from his face. Since his hair was already subjected to zero gravity conditions, Roxas was hardly affected by the static electricity so he decided to stick around and see Axel face Larxene's wrath (drama was always greatly appreciated) and pull him out should he be in a sticky situation.

"Yeah, sure," Axel said offhandedly as he stared glumly at his wall that was still accumulating holes. "If she would tell me why she's so worked up about this and stop trying to do the impossible of killing me."

In an instant, the flashes and lightning halted as its queen finally climbed on top of her rage, but not before making the finishing touches on Axel's wall with holes, or rather, holes with some cement for style. Larxene still seemed at ticked, but her anger was largely diminished after her great lashing out on Axel's wall. She finally detected the presence of Roxas, and gave him a queer look before turning her attention back to Axel.

"Give it," she said.

"Not until you tell me why you had to attempt murder me for it, dear." Axel just couldn't resist tacking on that unneeded and insincere 'dear' at the end. Axel knew that he and Larxene were far from being 'dear' with each other. A death glare set him straight and he obediently handed over the phone while Larxene chucked his in his face. With a huff and another glower, Larxene paraded down the hall without a backwards glance, giving both boys a little bit of peace.

"Talk about possessive," Axel said, running a hand through his flaming hair. "I bet she had something on there she didn't want us seeing."

Roxas opened his mouth to tell his friend that the reason she came storming to his room in rage was probably because this was the third thing Axel had 'borrowed' something from her without her permission this month. He again decided that that would be rather stupid to mention because Axel probably was aware of it as well and settled for: "Axel, your phone is being wild."

Axel's eyes traveled down to his phone where he saw that his phone was indeed busy being wild. It seemed it still had some Larxene juice left in it as it was buzzing and crackling like crazy. (Axel thanked Xemnas for his consideration of issuing them gloves that were fifteen-percent latex.) The red-haired man weighed his risks and decided to flip open his phone, and upon doing so was immediately bombarded with an array of messages:

"You are currently stalking: Xem-nas-6666, Xig-bar-6666, Xal-din-6666, Vex-en6-6666, Lex-aue-s666, Zex-ion-6666, Saï-x66-6666, Dem-yx6-6666, Lux-ord-6666, Mar-lux-ia66 Lar-xen-e666, and Rox-as6-6666."

"You are currently being stalked by: Vex-en6-6666, Lex-aeu-s666, Zex-ion-6666, and Rox-as6-6666."

"You currently have one new message."

"You currently have ten people deemed as 'unimportant'"

"You-"

Axel snapped the phone shut before it could continue killing their brain cells with its robotic voice. He gave a sheepish grin towards Roxas, who returned it with one of his own.

"Better left as it is, huh?"

"Yeah."

"But what's with this stalker thing?"

"Oh, um…"

* * *

While Roxas rambled to his friend about the many important functions of his cell phone that seemed to be awoken due to Larxene forcing her electricity through it, Luxord had completely converted into an online poker junkie, and a real good one at that. So far, he had already won more than 500,000 digital munny and was ranked just shy of being the third best in all of the worlds. Not bad for a days work if Luxord did say so himself.

"You are currently…"

Luxord's howl of rage permanently drowned the rest of the message out. He had just been getting to the climax of the game, and he almost had victory in his grasp, now all was lost as the interruption forced him to unwillingly withdraw from the match. Luxord was in a rage.

* * *

Somewhere else…

"Hello there my darling apple seedling. Marluxia shall take grand care of you."


End file.
